Maintaining Sisterhood After Kids

I remember taking a break … trying to take my brain away from poop, spit-up, and my heavy boobs. Perusing facebook and insta I see my friends… posting pictures of their weekend away, tipsy smiles and laughs, the energy from the event/party/club oozing out of every frame 😜. They looked so happy and free.

My heart felt torn, ripped, shredded into pieces. By no means did I expect them to stop their fun. I mean they were LIVING, ok? The stories, the snapchats and the candid shots kept me engaged and were hilarious to watch. I mean, I felt like I was almost there… the stories detailed their entire evening, I knew who had gone too far, I saw the outfits, the vibe was oozing through my phone! It reminded me of those fun times ….

The times before I was a mom.

There is a lot of research and information about how romantic relationships change after a baby enters a couples life. But, there are limited pieces about how friendships shift after large life events like marriages, or in this case, children. Most articles highlight the need for the partner to develop a sense of understanding around helping mom, staying engaged and communicative, and doing their best to support in as many ways they can.

I’d argue that friendships mirror some of these expectations. Friends are the folks we chose to be there for us. Out of a sea of potential friends, it was something about their spirit, their being, that made you say - “hmm, I like this person, I want to see where this goes.”

I call my friends my sisters. My children have always been their nieces and I wouldn’t have it any other way. After the newness of a baby tapers off, all the family members leave, and you are trying to make sense of the new normal with a whole infant, sometimes the thing you need the most is friendship….

The new mom in your life will have to go through a lot of internal struggles on their own, but there are some things as friends and sisters that you can do to maintain your relationship. While this list is not the least bit exhaustive, I hope it provides a level of understanding for the new mom in your life

Maintaining Sisterhood After Kids

1. Make a regular schedule to see her (shoot for once a month) - I mean who’s gonna help her take the obligatory month-to-month picture of the baby for Instagram 📸

2. If your budget permits, pay for a housekeeper to come to her house a couple times - I’m just spitballing here, but seeing a clean house definitely increases some dopamine, and for a new mom who’s hormones are already raging, I’m sure it could move some to tears 😢

3. If you can cook - take some freezer meals over there so she doesn't have to cook - please don’t send Hello Fresh and all those other meal services because that actually involves her cooking - No 😩

4. Call her and text HER (ask her how she’s doing BEFORE you ask to see the baby- your friend wants to see you too)

5. Ask her - you seriously don’t know what she may actually need, but asking takes the guesswork out - I mean, we grown now - ask

6. If asking her is pointing towards a dead end - Ask her partner how you can help - they HAVE to know something - even an inkling is a step in the right direction

7. Until she’s ready to go out- have a “like old times” GIRLS NIGHT IN - get a sitter that can watch the baby in another room so she feels comfortable enough to enjoy herself

   1. Invite some friends, play some games, order some food

   2. Make her feel included

   3. Make her feel like she a baddd bihhhh…. NOT a bad momma/MILF but just sexy in general - she’s more than an incubator and milk machine 🙃

8. INVITE HER!

   1. She ain't gonna come 🤣, but at least extend the invitation

   2. She wants to feel involved even though she knows she can’t come

9. If money permits, see if a night-time doula or trusted friend/sitter/family member can watch the baby overnight so she can get QUALITY sleep - sleep deprivation makes anyone’s mood janky - help her out 😉

The biggest part about maintaining this relationship is reassuring the mom in your life that although things are very different with them having a baby, your friendship, your love, your sisterhood doesn't have to change. Your support matches the energy that she needs.

How do you plan to support the (new) mom in your life?